Okay, I pretty much don’t have one yet. I apologize for this blog being such a goddamn mess; I used to believe that talent was synonymous with intelligence; I have since been disabused of that notion. Basically, this supposedly easy set up is still out-smarting me and if I keep struggling over it, I will go out and bite the first person I see, quarantine be damned. And if I keep agonizing over it, I will never get around to writing the fucking content, so…I’m putting it aside for now. I’ll try to at least figure out how to set up a menu. Some day.
But I do have a few general ideas on how I will proceed. I want to divide these reviews/analyses/talking out my ass into these categories: Horror for All, Flawed but Worthy, Glorious Shit, WTF Theatre and Hard Pass, which will go as follows:
Horror for All is just that–a well-made, entertaining horror movie which should appeal to most if not all horror addicts. I have been building a mostly indie horror DVD collection–up to 60 so far–so I thought my criteria could be “good enough to buy the DVD”…which will be most of the movies I plan on discussing.
For these movies, I plan on dividing them into two separate parts: a spoiler-free version, including a clear enough synopsis to let viewers know whether or not it appeals to them, while also including information about the creators, the performers, background information, possible socio-political stuff going on at the time of the filming and how that might have influenced the writers, and just general trivia.
Second part will be a fuller analysis and it will come with a huge SPOILER warning, because movie spoilers are worse than pestilence and war criminals and people who spoil movies should be eradicated from the planet. So I will assume that you have already watched the movie, because important plot points and ending WILL be discussed. It really won’t be as pedantic as it sounds. Swear it won’t. If it isn’t fun to write, then it isn’t fun to read and fuck all of that noise. Still, I will probably reserve the 2 prong method for the movies I feel have greater artistic integrity.
Then there are films which come so close to being great, if only they had/hadn’t ___________, but still have enough quality and entertainment value to make them worth watching. Hell House, LLC, The Last Exorcism and Outcast (the 2010 version, not that piece of shit Nic Cage venture) are a few examples of movies that fucked themselves at some point (usually because of bad endings), but are otherwise so good that they can still be appreciated.
But it doesn’t always have to be so lofty: sure, I’ll write about Repulsion or Demon (2015) or Possession (1981)…but there are also lots of lesser know horror movies which are objectively bad, yet still entertaining. Glorious Shit isn’t the same as So Bad it’s Good; Glorious Shit may skirt the edge of being really bad, but are still entertaining and creepy enough to watch. For example, the remake of The Wicker Man is without a doubt So Bad that it’s Good. I watched it with my best friend and my baby boy and we laughed our collective asses off…but I would never bother watching it by myself, nor would I waste money buying it. However, I love movies like Let’s Scare Jessica to Death, Tourist Trap and Evilspeak–all technically bad movies, but they still have qualities which are somehow both laughable but genuinely creepy at the same time…and are even worth multiple viewings. Or, in my case, even owning.
WTF Theatre. This is pretty obvious–freak-ass movies which are difficult to figure out on first viewing (or at all), yet are so visually compelling and mesmerizing that they are worth head space on trying to figure out what the fuck they’re about. A few examples include Eraserhead (obviously), Tetsuo, and a new contender that I love, Luz. The trick is to actually try to interpret what the director is trying to convey…if even possible. Personally, I think David Lynch was just trolling with Eraserhead, but it’s still fun to try to figure out what in almighty shit it is about…or even come up with your own interpretation.
The one I plan on doing the least is Hard Pass. I’m not just going to free-style trash movies; this blog is supposed to be about promoting horror, not shit on it. But sometimes there are a few horror movies that either had all of the ingredients for a quality horror and blew it..or inexcusably lazy shit that didn’t even deserve to be released. I have no problem putting creators on blast when they should fucking well know better.
And last, From the Voices in my Head: which is nothing more than releasing the miscellaneous flotsam and jetsam that clog up my mind and need cleaning out…which is a lot.
So there are plenty of worthier things to worry about than the goddamn formatting of this chumpass blog…and that will be my focus.